Friday, February 15, 2013

Part 2

Part 2.....

So, we left off at me getting married, having Thing 1 and finding out I have severe Hypothyroidism.

They started me on Synthroid, a low dose. Nothing. No help at all! You see, your TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) number should be between 3-10. Mine was 285. Yep... no lie. Within 6 months they had me on the highest dosage of Synthroid and I felt a difference in my mood and energy. Weight loss, pfffftttttt.

Next thing you know, Thing 1 is 15 months old and i'm pregnant again. It was totally unexpected since the doctors (3 of them) had informed me I couldnt have anymore kids. Thing 1's birth almost killed me, so I was from the beginning a high risk pregnancy. Thing 1 was 3 weeks early and weighed 9lbs 11oz (emergency c-section), so Thing 2 from the beginning was closely monitored. Once again, I was having a big baby. The doctor sat hubs and I down and informed us that me trying to have him naturally, it was a 80% chance I wouldnt make it this time. So the c-section was planned for July 18th. What happens at 2am July 18th? Yep... My water breaks and im immediately thrown into labor. C-section went well, but Thing 2 was not well. He had a hole in one of his lungs and the other wasnt developed. When he breathed, his chest would collapse. I have never been so afraid in my life as I was when the NICU nurse came to tell me he may not make it through the night. Long story short, he made it against all odds and is healthy and strong now 10 years later.

My surgeries....
In February 05, I had to have my gallbladder removed. Fun stuff I tell you. It would have been fine if the doctors in the hospital werent total assholes. Not to me... but to each other. 5 days I was in the hospital. CRAZY! 4 months later... Abdominal hernia surgery. 6 months after that... I had to have nose surgery. When Thing 1 was 3, he broke my nose playing. I hate doctors, so I reset it myself. No worries. HA! I did it wrong and A bone was growing where it shouldnt have and was poking at my brain. Dangerous stuff.

All of those surgeries led me to be extremely lazy. I was so terrified of needing more surgeries, I became a hermit. I constantly forgot my thyroid meds so the weight just piled on and piled on.

When the Crohns diagnosis came, my mental health suffered. I just couldnt understand how someone could be this sick and still be this fat. Why? Why couldnt I lose the weight during flares like everyone else? I still dont fully understand, but one fact remains..... I was lazy. I didnt TRY to lose weight. I just went to bed every night hoping and praying the weight loss fairy would show up and I would wake up back in the body I so desperately want.

About 2 weeks ago I sat on my bedroom floor in tears. This is NOT who I am. This is NOT who I want to be. I want my life back. I know that things will never be the same. I wont go back to being healthy. Crohns is with me for life. But I wont let it or my thyroid beat me down anymore. I want to be around for my kids, my amazingly supportive husband.... ME. So, I joined a gym. I have done this before. Ive joined a gym before. But less than a week into it, I found excuses not to go. I wasnt ready to take my life back.

I am 2 weeks into this new lifestyle and im 6 lbs down. Its tough. My fat is fighting back... yelling at me... begging me to stop the torture. This time is different. This time im yelling back.....

Stay tuned for weekly updates of this journey to find myself and to lose this weight that has been given its eviction notice!

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